Jeff had to go home teaching and I was so proud of him for going because we would have loved to spend the evening together, but he took Lily and was so good to serve, especially since he has to travel far to home teach. We felt a little sad as Jeff had some kids in his class who made some comments that were inappropriate and a companion that didn't want to go home teaching, and it's hard when youth make choices that are not bringing them closer to God. And yet we as adults make mistakes all the time too, but it is hard to look at someone younger and know what they should do to be happy. We figured it was how Heavenly Father feels when he looks down at us and knows if we made different choices or had more faith we'd be so much more happy. It makes me realize even more how important doing any good thing in the home is: prayer, scripture study, family home evening, having open regular and gospel conversations in the home, and above all living worthy of the spirit to be able to receive guidance for how to raise kids. There are so many things that would be confusing or enticing to them and it's just so necessary to be a voice of truth and to parent to help kids make good choices, even if they think what they want is better or more important.
Jeff got up early Monday morning and shoveled before leaving so I wouldn't have to, which was very nice. Luckily it didn't snow any more after he left, so I didn't have to shovel while he was gone. The goal is to not do anything strenuous that would cause me to go into labor while Jeff is in Ohio. He gets back late Thursday night, so we are hoping to hold out until at least then. I thought I would be okay not celebrating my birthday much, but after a long day of laundry, whining, asking kids to clean up many times, making food, and being tired from not sleeping well, I was feeling like it was the worst birthday. I didn't feel the need to celebrate with friends, but I did just want to be with Jeff to celebrate. I was sad he was gone and got really emotional and called him crying. I got upset with the kids for not cleaning up and went to my room to be alone. After talking with Jeff and sharing how I felt, I will say I felt better. We cleaned the house, had a simple dinner, read with the kids, played some games and they went to bed. It turned out okay in the end, I think next year I just need to plan some alone time on my birthday if Jeff is not around where I can feel like there was something about the day to make it different. I did get to talk to Nicole Shiffler on the phone, which has been so fun to talk lately as we have been having several phone calls and slowly catching up...there's never enough time. Darin and Rachel called and then my mom called. So having those helped make my day feel more special, so I really appreciated that. It's funny that I don't want a big to do for my birthday, but then when nothing special happens I am sad. I'm 36 and slowly making realizations about myself so I can plan for success next time. But the next day as I was thinking about my life and reading scriptures and feelings so uplifted and motivated by the spirit, I had these thoughts that I posted on Facebook:
As I reflected on my life, I was filled with so much gratitude to be alive, to be married to the most wonderful husband whom I love so much, and who loves me back, to be raising three of the sweetest and funniest kids (and welcoming a new boy any time now), and to believe in and live the gospel of Jesus Christ as best I can. I'm grateful to know of God's plan and to know the bigger purpose behind all the trials, joys, questions, struggles, and funny moments that happen daily. But most of all I'm grateful for God's love and kindness to me and my family, and to know that He will always help me through life as I turn to Him...and that through His Son I will be able to be with my family, who I cherish so much, for the eternities. So yes, life is good and I'm happy to be 36.
I really do feel full of love for my family and feel so blessed in my life. I have nothing but good things to show for my life in how Heavenly Father has blessed me. He has helped me time and time again, and I have such a testimony of the gospel that it fills me with such light and hope when I embrace the teachings through study and prayer.
Tuesday there was still whining, a messy house (the kids were on a boat with blankets, which is always fun but it looks like an explosion), but I handled it much better, it didn't get to me. The kids folded their laundry, Lily helped me organize some things for the baby and carried bins for me from the downstairs and was so kind. Max didn't even sleep for his nap, but that didn't phase me either. He had the Let's Play Music bells in his room (he likes to play but Lily and Ryan complain it's too loud, so he goes to his room to play and shuts the door) and after a few minutes down for his nap I heard the bells playing. He came out of his room a little later and I told him I'd need to zip up the tent if he didn't go back in. He went in and cried, but I thought he'd sleep. I had finished practicing with the kids and then finished reading with Lily when I went to lay down. A few minutes went by and I heard Max's little feet coming to my room. I told him he could watch one show and then he needed to play. I didn't really rest, but he did play for a bit and I was able to read scriptures, send some emails, and do a few other things.
After naps we were going to go to Lego Club at the library, but we went out to the car and the tire was flat. I felt so happy with how I handled it, and I think I was just calm from having had a good prayer and scripture study that day. AAA came and put on a spare, and then I took it to Costco to be repaired. Jeff was convinced we got our tires there and that they should cover it, but when I went it turned out we didn't get it done there. However, they were able to repair the tire and did it for free. They also were very kind to the kids and me. I felt so blessed with how everything turned out. I discovered the flat early enough that AAA was able to come and get it done so that I could still get it fixed. What if I had gone into labor and had a flat? Or had woken up Wednesday morning to take Lily to school and go to my OB appt with a flat? I had made some stuffed pasta shells for dinner (Ryan's new favorite that he likes to request often) ahead of time, so I was able to just put that in the oven, eat quickly, then make it to costco right before they took their last customers before closing. And then the kids did so well there, Lily finished reading her book for school, and we made it home for baths and bed. For as hard as that situation could have been, Heavenly Father helped it to go as smoothly as possible, and helped me to respond as calmly as possible. I was just so grateful.
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| The workers was so nice and set up these tires. Another worker later came and said they couldn't stand on them. I apologized and told him which worker had arranged it and he said, "oh, it's okay then, he's the manager, he can do whatever he wants." When the workers spotted the boys they would pretend to go down an escalator and other funny things. They were really wonderful. |
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| The manager also gave the kids these stickers. Max wanted to put one on my tummy for the baby. I kept it there for awhile but then took it off. He saw it and rushed to put it back on saying the baby wanted it there. So I left Costco like this. |
Lily has often complained she doesn't like reading the Doctrine and Covenants because she thinks it will give her nightmares. She doesn't like the tar and feather, people dying, people persecuting the saints. And on top of that we were in some war chapters in the Book of Mormon, so that didn't help. Then today she was looking at a map and saw the Pacific Ocean. I told her that was the ocean she swam in in California. She then remembered her puzzle and asked if the Giant Pacific Octopus lived there. I said probably, but far away from where we swam. It didn't matter, she declared she will never swim in that ocean again. And she said in the puzzle the octopus is close to the surface, and of course I tried to explain that is because it's just a puzzle, not real life. Ryan heard and declared the same thing too, and then they remembered the Great White shark from the puzzle and really didn't want to go in the ocean again. Sometimes it's better to just keep your kids in the dark about things. But we went to the park and Ryan jumped off the cement onto the grass. He pretended it was the Pacific Ocean and told me he almost got his hand bit off by a great white shark and the Pacific octopus almost grabbed him with his eight legs. But he got away. So that's a good sign that he's at least confronting in in make believe play and coming out the conqueror rather than the victim, always a good sign from play therapy.
The kids had their dentist appointment and did great. There was a fish tank and they were happy to point out all the fish they know from their puzzle: blue tang, lion fish, clown fish, it's pretty impressive. Ryan got x-rays and I found out later Lily's sour for the day was that she didn't get x-rays too. They played at Blake's while I visit taught La Wana, read scriptures, and ate my lunch. It was all very nice.
My mom got me compression stockings since I have varicose veins. I should have bought some long ago, but never did, and leave it up to my mom to take care of me. Just wearing them one day, and I don't think these ones are even as tight as I need, has helped. I was able to sleep without having restless legs and it doesn't hurt to stand. Also, my friend told me they would help me breathe better, and I think that's why I was finally able to take a good nap. I often will struggle breathing when I'm laying down, but I wore them and had no issues. So I'm a believer.
I am just so impressed with Lily and Ryan and how well they play together. I am so lucky that they are good friends and enjoy doing so much and are so good about playing quietly after they each watch their show. Often they are doing puzzles and singing. They were singing "When I'm Gone" over and over one time so I had Max go down to give them the iPod so they could listen to music. But they didn't want it, "we're singing our own songs, we don't need that." They are great. Max spent much of the day dressed up as Captain America and asking for snacks, which is his favorite thing to ask for. He always gets a snack for Ryan (if it's applesauce) and for Lily and Ryan if it's something Lily likes too (like fruit snacks), so that's pretty sweet.
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| Working hard on their 200 piece puzzle. |
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| They built all 3 of these big puzzles pretty quickly. They are masters! |
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| Max does not often fall asleep like this, but it sure makes things easier when he does. |
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| Having fun each doing their own thing. |
Sunday mornings are so nice with 1p.m. church. I heard my door open early in the morning and then close. I asked Max later if he had come into my room. He told me he had, but I was sleeping so he didn't wake me up. I was amazed at how nice that was of him! And I was very happy to sleep a little longer, or at least lay in my bed a little longer. I put him down for an morning nap later and I didn't even see him, but I heard him come out of his room. I said, "Max, you didn't even take a nap yet." He had been in his room playing basketball and not sleeping. I then heard the door open again and he went inside and laid down for a bit. Sometimes I'm just shocked by what he does.
Lily gave a talk in Primary and did a great job. She wrote it with Jeff and he put all her words in it. She read it beautifully, including the scriptures, and even though she was nervous she did such a great job.
During church the kids were a little crazy and Jeff and I looked at each other and smiled in disbelief that we were adding one more to the crazy crew we have. But we are excited to meet him and get to know his fun little personality and what kind of crazy he adds to our mix.
After church when we were driving home I said how badly I wanted some special treat when we got home, but I didn't have anything to make. I was talking through different ideas and Max wanted a cupcake, and I didn't want to have to do anything. Lo and behold, when we got home our neighbor Mindi brought over some chocolate chip pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting! I told her she was a direct answer to prayer and my angel today. I couldn't believe how that all played out and was a sweet tender mercy that showed her kindness and God's love for me. It was so simple, yet amazing to me. Max has never changed out of his church clothes so quickly to eat it.
After a visit from our home teachers Jeff and I needed a little break and could have gone to bed for the night.
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| Jared Picker always shows the kids his drawings and Ryan loved showing him some things from his Star Wars book. |
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| This week they brought another brother along and he made some paper airplanes and paper crowns. They are fun and creative boys. |
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