I am listening to President Eyring's biography and I love it! One thing that stuck out to me is when he was chastised a little for not recording the experiences he was having, being told, they were not for just him, but for others to read about. It made me want to be diligent about writing my own experiences on a regular basis. I often feel sad or disappointed on all the experiences I haven't written down, but no better time to start than the present.
Jeff is the ward mission leader and since we have sister missionaries, there is a big push for the sisters in the ward to go out. I had scheduled to have them come over for dinner on Sunday and was then going to go out with them. I had a really hard time at church with Liam and then he wouldn't go to nursery, so I had to take him to Sunbeams with me. Jeff was released from the Elders Quorum presidency and sustained as ward mission leader (he was previously doing both) so he thought he might need to give his testimony so he couldn't take Liam. Luckily Liam did a great job in primary, but it was still hard with having 8 sunbeams and some have a very hard time sitting still. Liam came to class with me after singing time and while he still did okay, I still had to help him be happy. Max often comes up to me during singing time and wants me to sit on the end by him and is upset I'm closer to Ryan. So I have to tell him a lot to go back to his seat. After class my co-teacher asked if he was going to kindergarten and how I felt about that (which I took to mean that she thought perhaps he wasn't ready). Another person told me she could see that Liam is playing me during sacrament meeting. So between those two comments I felt like I was a failure as a parent and being at church with kids was just too much. I came home upset with lots of things, but I honestly just felt like I was tired of church and wanted to quit. I still had a testimony it was true, but didn't want to actually apply it in my life. I was in a bad mood and just wanted to sleep.
Luckily I woke up from a nap feeling a little better, but still not in the mood to go out with the sisters. They came over and we had nice visit, including Lily doing the lesson, which she got from her own primary lesson. She did a great job and the sisters were very impressed with how smart she is. Ryan was very receptive answering questions and reading from the scriptures.
When it was time to go out, I wasn't excited, but the thought of not having to clean up dinner or put kids to bed motivated me to go. Our first stop was to a less-active member's house where we had a very nice door stop visit and I was able to invite the daughter to Activity Day Girls. I always feel very comfortable talking to people and while some people say it's my gift and I brush it off, it is nice to know that I can talk with anyone and I can help make them feel comfortable. I got her number and promised to call for ADG this week.
The next stop was to a member's home, but it turned out they had moved and a 19 year old boy answered the door. We talked for a bit and the sisters were about to leave when I felt compelled to share my testimony. I testified of Christ, of the atonement, of the healing power of forgiveness and a few other things. I felt the sprit confirming what I was saying was true and I had goosebumps on my arms. He wasn't interested, but I could tell he was listening to what I was sharing. After we left the sisters were in awe of what had happened. They had been taught to have a testifying encounter with people, but had never really done it. They couldn't believe how well and powerful it was and they kept telling me that was a mission changing moment for them. They said they wanted to be just like me. It was all very flattering and kind of them and it made me realize that I do have a boldness that is a gift. I am often not afraid to speak up and share and be real. I like helping others and like sharing what I have learned to help others. I do feel like in the past I have been able to be a mentor of sorts to people. I am never good in the long-term, but I do feel like I have had interactions that have been impactful to people when I have shared my experiences or insights with others.
But the most miraculous part of this evening was that when I came home, I had abandoned my thoughts of giving up and quitting. My mind just didn't want to go there anymore. The act of testifying of the Savior and feeling the assurance and truth of my testimony did the work for me in helping me to step right back on that path I had wanted to step off of. I can recall so many instances where the Lord has done this for me. When I have wanted to run away from the path and He has allowed me to feel the spirit in ways that brought me back. He is ever mindful of me and is rooting for me. I know He doesn't want me to give in to Satan's traps or temptations to allow his negativity, pessimism, or despair to overcome me. God has saved me so many times that I can't deny His presence and awareness of me.
I was so grateful for this chance to feel and to testify and to be aware of God's love for me.
