Dirt track

We discovered a dirt track at a local park that the kids were excited to try out. The first day we went was when Lily was at dance. The boys were a bit cautious at first, but then got very comfortable. Liam just went wherever he felt like going and somehow managed not to get run over. It was all fun until Max had a hard fall. His shirt was covered in dust and he wanted to go home. After a little break and some water though, he was ready to get out there again. I was surprised, but happy he would try again. However, he went had a bad fall once again, this time with a bloody knee as a result. The blood kind of freaked him out so it was time to go after that. I had no idea how I was going to get the stain out, but whatever I did worked and that white shirt is all clean! The next day they wanted to go again, so we went after piano. I'm not sure that was a good idea because the kids were hungry and it was getting late, but they had a great time and we all didn't meltdown until we got home. Lily was unsure at first, but she gained a lot of confidence and loved it. Max and Liam did have one crash, but both bounced back quickly, and Ryan was an excellent sport when his bike's chain kept falling off. He pleasantly let me know what happened without getting upset at all, I was so proud of him. I kind of lost it at home with trying to get everyone bathed from the dirt and get them fed and dealing with very tired children, so it was not a no-yelling night, but we eventually all made it to bed. 

Ryan is holding up 4 fingers because that is how much his chain has broke thus far. 

Liam's first day of school!

Can I get a hallelujah?! I feel born again! Today is a great day in my life. Two days a week, for 3 hours each day, I will not be responsible for any persons but myself! Liam started his first day of preschool and he didn’t cry at all! Originally I was going to clean my bathrooms while he was gone, but I was so excited I deep cleaned them yesterday before Jeff left so I could do something exciting this morning 🙌🏻

I ended up going to the store to get sleep diapers since Liam wet through his clothes last night, but I was able to listen to "Born to Change the World" while I drove so that was nice. Then I came back, did yoga for 40 min (It has been WAY too long), showered, had an awesome scripture study, and got an item off my to do list that has been there for a month. And I wrote this post! So all in all it's been a great day!

He was so happy to wear a big backpack and be on his way!

Ms. Phyllis and Ms. Nikki

I have been craving amazing scripture study time all summer. It fills me up and lets me feel the spirit and ponder and reflect and makes me recognize how there's more to life than going through the motions. I often think, "what's the point in all of this day to day routine?" But reading scriptures and feeling the spirit helps me to want to keep trying, to suffer with Christ when things get hard, but to allow His comfort to come in and save me from the despair and depression that Satan pushes on me. The song "Scripture Power" is true, I have more power in my day and in my spirit when I make time for scriptures. I loved reading in 2 Corinthians 1 today how the comfort we receive from the Savior allows us to try and give that same type of comfort to others suffering. I tend to think of comfort as giving a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear. But it can mean to strengthen greatly, to stand alongside of, to encourage, cheer up, give hope, help, release. God is the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. I pondered as to what kind of parent am I? Do I extend mercy and comfort to my children and husband? God has given me the example of how to comfort and how to show mercy.

I read in the NIV version of the bible some verses in 2 Corinthians 1 that said they feared they had received a death sentence, but that it was so "we might not rely on ourselves, but on God." I thought of this and how there really is purpose to feeling so much sorrow and pain or having no idea how a situation will resolve. It gives us the opportunity to tap into the hope and faith that comes from putting trust in God and noticing the difference we feel when we tap into His help and comfort. We may suffer with Christ (meaning we will all suffer to some degree as Christ did because He did in reality suffer for my sorrows and sins....if we weren't going to suffer then there would be no reason for him to experience suffering because it wouldn't exist), but because of His atonement, along with that suffering I feel, He sends His comfort. He allows there to be a lifting of guilt or pain or despair when we call out His name and ask for His presence. And then He has power to do what no one else on earth can. He can take that pain away so we don't need to keep experiencing it over and over. Or He can take the worry from us over a situation when we felt peace as we gave it over to God.

As I thought of this idea of relying on God and not myself, I thought of how many areas I feel like I'm failing: health, nutrition, gospel study in the home, parenting skills, finding a routine in our home for free time and getting things done, teaching my kids life skills. They seem like small things, yet they impact the tone of our home. I wondered why I have wanted for years for these things to become strengths and yet I seem to have so many ups and downs with them. But I realized that I often look outside for inspiration: another person's ideas for everything... nutrition plan, routines for kids, etc, but I don't typically pray and ask God to teach me what it is I need to do or my family needs to do to change. Sometimes I do ask and wonderful things happen. I get an inspired idea and use it and it works! But then the newness wears off or I forget about it so I think I need to look for the next thing to help us. However, what if I were to pray and ask for more direction? Perhaps I need to try again, or perhaps there is something different the Lord would teach me to do. Or maybe He just gives me faith that staying on the path I'm on, no matter if it feels fruitless at times, is the correct path to be on. It made me realize I want to be living my days more and more aligned in partnering with the Lord, rather than just giving an accounting of my day or asking for help at the beginning or end in a routine prayer.

Praying about dance

Lily is really wanting to do dance, but we were so worried about her having too much to do during the week between piano, activity days, and the play. We prayed and talked about all the pros and cons. After sharing her desire again to dance and how she plans to work through some of the challenges, we prayed about our decision and asked Lily how she felt. She said she felt good about it and she thought she should do it. I also had a feeling to continue forward to and to sign her up and Jeff felt comfortable with it as well. I loved this process of praying, discussing, and praying again as a family regarding family decisions. Rather than just making a decision for Lily, we included her in it and all prayed together and talked about what we felt, and now we can all be on the same page moving forward, rather than casting blame if things get hard with the schedule we have set before us.

This is an edit made after Lily has attended for a couple weeks. She LOVES dance! As in absolutely loves it! I'm so happy that as we prayerfully made a decision and moved forward not knowing how it would work out, it is becoming something that she truly looks forward to and is so happy to be developing these talents.

Going out with the missionaries

I am listening to President Eyring's biography and I love it! One thing that stuck out to me is when he was chastised a little for not recording the experiences he was having, being told, they were not for just him, but for others to read about. It made me want to be diligent about writing my own experiences on a regular basis. I often feel sad or disappointed on all the experiences I haven't written down, but no better time to start than the present.

Jeff is the ward mission leader and since we have sister missionaries, there is a big push for the sisters in the ward to go out. I had scheduled to have them come over for dinner on Sunday and was then going to go out with them. I had a really hard time at church with Liam and then he wouldn't go to nursery, so I had to take him to Sunbeams with me. Jeff was released from the Elders Quorum presidency and sustained as ward mission leader (he was previously doing both) so he thought he might need to give his testimony so he couldn't take Liam. Luckily Liam did a great job in primary, but it was still hard with having 8 sunbeams and some have a very hard time sitting still. Liam came to class with me after singing time and while he still did okay, I still had to help him be happy. Max often comes up to me during singing time and wants me to sit on the end by him and is upset I'm closer to Ryan. So I have to tell him a lot to go back to his seat. After class my co-teacher asked if he was going to kindergarten and how I felt about that (which I took to mean that she thought perhaps he wasn't ready). Another person told me she could see that Liam is playing me during sacrament meeting. So between those two comments I felt like I was a failure as a parent and being at church with kids was just too much. I came home upset with lots of things, but I honestly just felt like I was tired of church and wanted to quit. I still had a testimony it was true, but didn't want to actually apply it in my life. I was in a bad mood and just wanted to sleep.

Luckily I woke up from a nap feeling a little better, but still not in the mood to go out with the sisters. They came over and we had nice visit, including Lily doing the lesson, which she got from her own primary lesson. She did a great job and the sisters were very impressed with how smart she is. Ryan was very receptive answering questions and reading from the scriptures.

When it was time to go out, I wasn't excited, but the thought of not having to clean up dinner or put kids to bed motivated me to go. Our first stop was to a less-active member's house where we had a very nice door stop visit and I was able to invite the daughter to Activity Day Girls. I always feel very comfortable talking to people and while some people say it's my gift and I brush it off, it is nice to know that I can talk with anyone and I can help make them feel comfortable. I got her number and promised to call for ADG this week.

The next stop was to a member's home, but it turned out they had moved and a 19 year old boy answered the door. We talked for a bit and the sisters were about to leave when I felt compelled to share my testimony. I testified of Christ, of the atonement, of the healing power of forgiveness and a few other things. I felt the sprit confirming what I was saying was true and I had goosebumps on my arms. He wasn't interested, but I could tell he was listening to what I was sharing. After we left the sisters were in awe of what had happened. They had been taught to have a testifying encounter with people, but had never really done it. They couldn't believe how well and powerful it was and they kept telling me that was a mission changing moment for them. They said they wanted to be just like me. It was all very flattering and kind of them and it made me realize that I do have a boldness that is a gift. I am often not afraid to speak up and share and be real. I like helping others and like sharing what I have learned to help others. I do feel like in the past I have been able to be a mentor of sorts to people. I am never good in the long-term, but I do feel like I have had interactions that have been impactful to people when I have shared my experiences or insights with others.

But the most miraculous part of this evening was that when I came home, I had abandoned my thoughts of giving up and quitting. My mind just didn't want to go there anymore. The act of testifying of the Savior and feeling the assurance and truth of my testimony did the work for me in helping me to step right back on that path I had wanted to step off of. I can recall so many instances where the Lord has done this for me. When I have wanted to run away from the path and He has allowed me to feel the spirit in ways that brought me back. He is ever mindful of me and is rooting for me. I know He doesn't want me to give in to Satan's traps or temptations to allow his negativity, pessimism, or despair to overcome me. God has saved me so many times that I can't deny His presence and awareness of me.

I was so grateful for this chance to feel and to testify and to be aware of God's love for me.